The 3am Friend

Is the 3am friend, the one categorised by time? Not really. 3am is primarily an expansive descriptive of perfection, the superfluous ally, the perfect friend. The reflection of loyalty.

I spend a reasonable amount of my life in solitude. Some of these times unbearable, others productive and enjoyable. The remaining are lonely, and these times are some of my most difficult to navigate. I do spend a lot of time in meditation now which is good, and I use it as a careful distraction to loneliness and in a positive manner for self reflection and personal development. And by the way, I’m not after sympathy or some shit like that, I’m setting the scene, as my daughter would say… bare with! My crap ass times for sure, are usually in the small hours of the night, when my mind is working overtime, can feel like it’s been at me with a pair of pliers and a blow torch for hours. That’s when it hurts (would do a). That’s one of the occasions you might need to call for a little bit of backup.

There’s a different kind of friendship that doesn’t live in daylight. It doesn’t need crowds, or noise, or the easy comfort of pint on a sunny afternoon. It doesn’t punch it’s timecard at 6pm on the way out the door from work. It lives in the quiet hours, the hours when most people disappear into home life (understandably) then sleep, and the world feels like it’s holding its breath. The 3am friend is the one who answers anyway, without hesitation. You might need to share your fears, a problem, crazy idea, or you might have to say something like this: It’s from the film ‘The Town’ (2010) the Boston heist film starring Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner.

 “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we’re gonna hurt some people.”

“Whose car are we gonna take?”

It’s one of the most iconic “ride-or-die friend” scenes ever filmed - pure loyalty, no questions asked. They’re the person who doesn’t flinch when your voice cracks, or when the truth comes out unpolished. They don’t need you to be strong, or sorted, or ‘fine’. They just need you to be real. And at 3am, real is all you’ve got. The 3am friend is the one who picks up the phone before the third ring to let you know they mean it and to subliminally let you know you aren’t intruding. Doesn’t ask why you’re calling, they just say hello and they listen. Reminds you that you’re not alone, even when everything feels far away. And the truth is, you don’t need many friends in life, not really, and in truth, how many do you really have? How many of your 1000 FB friends could you call at dawn? You just need one true friend who shows up when the world is asleep. The 3 am friend is proof that loyalty still exists. That some people don’t walk away when things get heavy, they lean in. If you have a 3am friend, you’re lucky. If you are one, you’re rare. If you don’t have one you are lacking, and when you realise you are left wanting it hits you like a ton of bricks. If you’ve ever needed one, you know exactly why they matter so much, and if at that moment you are at a loss…you know what emptiness is left behind.

Maybe if you ever find yourself needing one, and don’t have one, maybe that is time to have a close look at yourself and ask yourself if you are one or not! Don’t panic you’re not gonna be woken up every night at ridiculous o’clock, you will be called on very rarely, possibly never at all. But you mean a lot if you’re there on call. So perhaps take a moment in reflection and be one, before you need one.

Although I have offered a few perhaps questionable reasons to awake your brother at 3am, and you are thinking to yourself, I’m not signing up for that class! Don’t forget it is said that 5am is the time Legends are either getting in or getting up, so they’ll cut you a little slack, I’m sure. There is a more sincere time of need, when you’re being is at a loss as to how to continue. You dial the 3am friend for a shoulder to lean on This kind of backup is as serious as saving a life. That call could one day, be the moment of indecisiveness when your friend is unsure if he/she can go on. Suicide is a serious issue, and often avoidable if only the person had felt they could make a call, and be reminded what a gift life is, not perfect, but beautiful and no problem is ever as big as it seems. Often it is a case of not being able to see the wood for the trees, and a situation that seems insurmountable can often be easily resolved with a steadying hand. Be that hand. Be the 3am friend.

Namaste.